And Santa got pissed
He sang to the bottle
Why waste life on this
The giving of presents
With no gratitude
I get no thank you cards
It's just down right rude
And when will they learn
That I can't drink the sherry
I can't fly a sleigh
If I'm drunkenly merry
And all those mince pies
That's why I'm so fat
And plus I'm allergic
To their dogs and their cats
I'll stay here in the warm
By my own Xmas tree
And not miss the special
Of Downton Abbey
I'll have a nice lie in
I'll stay in PJs
And drink oodles of bubbly
Retire the sleigh
I'll send a note to the kiddies
Say they've all been too bad
Yes this will be the best Christmas
That I've ever had
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